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About Me
- Cindy
- Married 26 years to Keith. We're parents to a fantastic 12 year old whom I homeschool. We live in the country about 25 miles south of Montgomery, Alabama. We have a horse named Wrangler and a dog named Mickey. Keith and I currently lead worship music at our church.
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17 comments:
Rub a dub dub thanks for the grub? ;)
I have no idea...
that might work, she's all about being the clown these days. i know she's just feeling awkward about- everything being an up and coming preteen. But i want thankfulness to be up at the top of her priority list. I haven't been pushy about saying out loud prayers at bed time, nor do i care what she says at dinner. I just want her to be willing to say thank you occasionally over the meal. At least when it's just the 3 of us. Do you think that's pushing too hard?
Erin stole my line!
And no, I don't think that's pushing - we've been having the kids say grace for YEARS, since they were little. Mostly the "common table prayer" (at least, that's what Lutherans call it) - "Come Lord Jesus, be our guest, and let this meal to us be blessed." I grew up with the standard, "God is good, God is great, and we thank Him for our food." Every once in a while I just exclaim, "Thanks, God!" and let everyone dig in, to show there's no need for long, legalistic droning on while everyone's hungry ("Pray not like the heathens do," and all that).
thanks Jim! I wrote that down and will offer it as an option to her. I told her yesterday that today she had to come up with something- anything to use. I also do a very brief, "thank you Lord for this food and for this day" kind of prayer and have offered it as an option, but she seems to think anything ad-libish is like a small piece of hell.
I don't want her to feel pressured - I'm already trying to figure out why she is pushing back so hard on anything God related. Probably just her mama's contrariness coming out, which i obviously understand. this age is a whole new ball game and I'm still trying to get my sea legs.
Maybe she's having some doubts. It's sort of natural to at that age, I think.
And as you say, it's an awkward age (our three youngest are 13, 11 and 11), especially for girls.
In my limited experience, improvised prayers from children are rare...I've been trying to teach the boys for years that talk to God just like you talk to me. But no matter what, every time we try to be spontaneous, it becomes a memorized prayer repeated daily for months on end. So I generally think something simple and appropriate is good.
And if memory serves, when I was a kid I prayed the same prayer at bedtime for years...it wasn't anything special, it was made up, you know God bless these certain people, but it was repeated because it was easier than thinking of something new.
thanks, e. your limited experience is still considerably more than I have- so I welcome your thoughts. I don't mind wrote prayers, either. I just want her to do something. She has quit the old standard. I don't know if it's boredom or that she thinks it's too babyish.
my prayer life is faltering these days, so i don't have any right to pressure her. But no matter what i am always able to say "thank you" and that's what I want her to come away with
thanks your help you guys. I knew you'd be there for me!
Just wondering.....why is a forced prayer at meal time necessary? Perhaps it is better not to have any, or at least not forcing her to do so. Perhaps just your example if you feel it is necessary.
Learning thankfulness can take many forms other than a prayer at meal time.
traveller speaks truth!
traveller- that's a good question. I guess I'm hoping we'll find a prayer that she'll *want to use at mealtime.
This is one of those time that I'm caught between the desire for "ancient" ritual and the shunning of useless traditions. I don't know which way I fall in this matter.
I do think meal time prayers are a very important ritual. Habitual behaviors of childhood become imprinted on our minds, and this is one of those things I would love to have imprinted on my daughter's brain so that one day, if she has stopped feeling or expressing thanks, her mind and heart will work in tandem to call up that childhood. ritual which could give her means to show thanks and a reminder of her heritage of thankfulness.
We generally only ask her to say a mealtime prayer once a day. We take turns so that it's something we all share in. It might be worth it to just stop asking her to do it for a while, though.
Cindy, I understand your dilemma. This is one all parents face. Perhaps another way to approach it is to find other meaningful ways to express thanks to God. My wife, Donna, often spontaneously expresses thanks in the middle of a situation where it is appropriate. It is heartfelt and gets the attention of all of us around her. It makes us stop a moment and think about being thankful as well. Often we do not verbalize it but sometimes we do.
May you find the way to nurture thankfulness within your family in a way that is meaningful to each one.
Late comment, but I will take a shot. Forced prayer is pointless. I myself have not involved that process yet with mine. Granted, she is four, so I have time before your level. Still, four or ninety, you have to focus on the why, not the BS what.
Say the word "grace" to me and the first thing I think is "Bless us, oh Lord, for these thy gifts, which we are about to receive..."
What does that mean? Nothing. I am far from the Catholic church these days and it didn't mean that much to me when I learned it by rote. In fact even when I voluntarily read the bible in search of answers, those words meant nothing to me.
My daughter is four. And since she was days old I put her to bed with a litany that included, "We ask the Lady to give you nice dreams so you may be rested in the morning."
Very recently she asked me, "Who is the lady that gives me nice dreams?"
I told her, "Some call her Freya. Look to the moon when you see it and thank her for the dreams."
She said ok. Which tells me what? She doesn't get it. Yet. You want your child to pray, open the door for questions and let her make the move.
If grace at meals is important to you, I suggest the following ritualistic prayer: "God, thanks for the food. I am ten. That's all I've got."
If she cares she will work on something else ONLY if you and/or others demonstrate on your turn that there can be something more.
If she doesn't care, you aren't forcing pointless ritual.
steve, I agree about not forcing. we're hoping to eventually land on something everybody is happy with. your suggested prayer is pretty darn close to my own, except i'd have to say "i'm 44 that's all I've got!" I model very straightforward prayers. we don't do wordy or flowery at our house. we emphasize the thanks and *sometimes* the bed time prayers more as reminder of what we, her parents, think is important. but i've also come to see that, even for me- who have generally despised ritual all my life- some ritual is comforting, as long as it isn't stifling. does that make sense?
It definitely makes sense. The familiar is always more comforting. One just shouldn't push it to the point that it has no meaning. Take the "Lord's prayer" or the national anthem. Everyone knows the words. How many stop and think about the fact that those words say something?
A ritual with your god does not seem to me to be any where near as useful as a relationship with your god.
"A ritual with your god does not seem to me to be any where near as useful as a relationship with your god"
Well said!!!
I agree with that statement, as well.
I wish I knew how to teach my kids to pray at all. It has become rote here, because prayer just isn't to me what it used to be. I liken it to breathing, I just don't think about it that much, because it's innate. I don't know if that makes sense, but words just don't seem to bridge my prayer anymore.
i know what you mean, erin. Above all, I want to be genuine with my daughter, and I worry that I'll fall back into old pretentious habits that I don't want her to be weighed down with personally.
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